The Bears - When Nature Calls
February 28, 2008
My doctor happens to be located near my folks and as I recovered at my folks place from the flu and sinus bug that's been going around with a fever as high as 103.4 I came across a PBS advertisement for the show Nature. I typically don't scan through PBS at home because it's not in the path of my usual sequence of channels that I scan that does include HiDef PBS but not low def. Believe it or not my folks don't have cable. The show would be about Polar Bears, as well as, how the grizzly is infringing on the polar bear's territory. I couldn't help but think that this would be a good show to watch and really see who would win in that showdown.
This prompted a conversation at the end of the work day with my boss. He firmly believed that a polar bear would win. Another co-worker stopped by before leaving so we asked him and as he thought the question was out of the blue he replied I don't know I guess polar bear. Well after searching on the information super highway and sifting through rumors and blogs my boss said...well before I reveal the answer I'll let everyone ponder this question. Please imagine some fine elevator music playing in the background. Much like the Olympics, please don't click any further if you don't wish to know the results.
To pick up where we left off, my boss said well he's wrong. Apparently after finding some scientific sites a grizzly would win due to its larger paw and claws. This spawned an even more ridiculous conversation including nature. Speaking of an animal matchup I recalled a moronic fox reality show some years back that included a world class track sprinter and either a horse or giraffe. What made it more interesting was the fact that the athlete involved won a medal at the Olympics some years later. As one of my co-workers recalls that he was eventually accused of using steroids. All I could recollect was a post race interview where the interviewer recounted the program and mentioned that he's probably better known for that show. The athlete then regaled everyone with how if not for an early and false start by the animal he would have won. He never had his re-match. After all how are you going to tell a wild animal to get back into the blocks you've false started.
With the recently ended writers strike I find it odd that this type of show wasn't re-installed. I'm not saying that I'd watch an hour of a man racing a giraffe and to be honest I really don't care if he's on steroids. It's not a sanctioned event. It's about pure animal pride. I'll go a step further and say anyone that can win a medal for the old U S of A should be awarded a re-match.
Much like in "Dodgeball" I'd watch this race on the Ocho because "it's the leader in seldomly seen sports and because if it's almost a sport it's on the Ocho." Heck if it was in the DC Metro Area and I had nothing better to do on a nice day and happened to be in the vicinity, I'd pay five bucks to see a guy on or off steroids in a race like this. Make it like the SNL sketch in the all drug Olympics where anything is legal. Can a human run faster than a giraffe. I don't know because they'd both need to start at the same time. Let's see firsthand.
Oh and we've since had a follow up on the polar bear debate. Did anyone consider if the two bears met in the water? Who'd win then?